I am not lacking in any of the things which you claim to value.
You don’t know what you stand for
Yet you don’t fall for a single fucking thing.
My strength has been proven many times.
No matter how hard others have tried to break me, I have persevered.
I have been cheated. I have been lied to. I have been devalued.
And never have I been like this.
I do not wait for good things to come to me.
But you don’t even qualify as a “good thing.”
I do not play second chair and I refuse to be put on hold.
Some things are worth waiting for.
You’re not one of them.
Why do I care?
Why have I seriously considered
Seriously altering everything about who I am?
To fit some ass backwards notion you have
Of how women are expected to behave?
Fuck you.
I once heard your ego
Was an attempt to counter serious insecurities.
I once thought you were a bigger man than that.
So strong and yet so little on the inside.
How can someone be so high-and-mighty
And yet so fucking ugly inside?
Someone I have admired so much
Has the ability to sicken me.
I would secretly smile at the thought of
You regretting this one day.
But that assumes you have the mental wherewithal
To recognize that you screwed it all up.
You want something to be proud of?
Go fuck yourself.
That sounds like an accomplishment to me.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Let’s Talk About: Crime & Punishment
About four months from obtaining a bachelor’s degree in criminal justice from a pretty decent university, I would say I’m somewhat well versed in this matter. Maybe it’s my education that makes me so frustrated by the way other people view the subject but I’d like to think I had common sense before a college education.
I don’t expect the average person to know all the ins and outs of offender motivations or the effectiveness of rehabilitation programs. I guess, unfortunately, in reality, the average person doesn’t give much thought to these things. I have always found these things to be of extreme importance and relevance, but that’s why I ended up going to school for it. I have always had a fascination with the topic and, luckily, this fascination has led me to want to pursue a graduate degree in criminal justice when I finish undergrad this June. I do, however, expect my fellow criminal justice students to understand the implication of policies which are currently in place and how that jives with what we know to be effective and what we know to be an absolute failure.
To embrace the truth about the criminal justice system and offenders, you have to be brave. I’m not saying just to be a cop you have to be brave (in fact, quite the opposite, but more on that later). The truth about the criminal justice system and the way it (dys)functions within America is that it is not black and white. People are not just “good” or “bad” and treated accordingly. There are many complexities in offending and reoffending and treatment for offenders. I know there are people out there who understand this better than myself. Unfortunately, it seems these people are not running the justice system.
The people who are running the justice system, or at least playing a huge role in it, are average people. That’s a problem.
One of the clearest manifestations of this fear is the way sex offenders are treated. Prior to Megan’s Law, some states kept record of sex offenders and their whereabouts. Post-Megan’s Law, the public is now able to gain access to this information. While it is quite clear to see how keeping tabs on sex offenders is beyond beneficial for law enforcement officials, the fact the public now feels some sense of entitlement to this information is absolutely atrocious. America was a country founded on freedom and individuality. Why is it any of your business who that man is living down the street?
I would never go so far as to say sex offenders (or any offenders) should have their record cleared after serving their time. That too is atrocious. However, sex offenders – and all other criminals – are still people who should still have the right to privacy that the rest of us enjoy as American citizens. If you go to the site http://www.familywatchdog.us/, it’s possible for you to find information about the sex offenders who live and work in your area. You can see a picture of this person, their specific offense (which most people don’t fully understand anyways), their exact address, their place of employment, even what tattoos they may have. You have got to be kidding me. We are now cataloging the tattoos of sex offenders. Clearly their picture, full legal name, date of birth, address and picture wasn’t enough to help us identify these people.
I sincerely hope the average person never looks at this in an attempt to gauge the safety of their neighborhood or where to let their children play or anything of the sort. You can even find your child’s school on the map, find out how many sex offenders live within a half-mile radius and see their pictures/information in a list. What good does this do? Will you be sure to run out into the street and grab your child if you see this man walking by? How absurd.
If you are not keeping a close enough eye on your child to ensure they are not abducted or molested, you are a complete fool. In fact, parents are usually pretty good about not allowing their children to fall into the hands of strangers. That would be why most sexual assaults are not committed by total strangers. Keeping this in mind, what good could the sex offender registry possibly be? You should be cautious of all new people you meet and even more cautious of who you allow to be in the company of your child without your direct supervision. This stupid registry will not prevent bad parenting or lax supervision. I wish it were possible to stop mentally inferior people incapable of protecting their children from even having children in the first place, but alas, that it totally impossible.
The only thing sex offender registries serves to create is an unreasonable, unjustified sense of fear in the community. Oh no. That poor old guy who has never been properly socialized to interact in a normal manner with his peers just moved in next door. Forget the fact he is clearly beyond troubled. Let’s publish all of his personal information on a website and allow people to post giant signs in his yard which state “Sex Offender Lives Here!” Yes. That is really helping his attempts at reintegrating into society and getting back to a normal life.
The truth is, many sex offenders are successfully rehabilitated. Clearly no method will fully prevent every kind of offender from going back to their bad ways, but can we not give these people the benefit of the doubt? Do we keep a registry of where all the thieves live? People who commit property offenses have great motivation to reoffend. Why don’t we track them? When I come home and my TV is gone, I would like to know where the closest burglar is so I can have the police go fuck with him about my missing flat screen – A flat screen that I obviously didn’t care too much about as I left my apartment door unlocked while I left so someone could easily waltz in and take it. It’s absurd, isn’t it?
If you give a flying fuck about your children (and you should), you should be overly cautious all the time. Not just when there is a sex offender in your neighborhood. There are plenty of new sex offenders just waiting for the opportunity to butt rape little Bobby when you turn your back. Are we so foolish as to think keeping track of existing sex offenders will rape-proof our children?
Please note, I am not attempting to alleviate sex offenders of their responsibility for the atrocious things they have done and the negative lifelong effects their actions will undoubtedly have on their victim. I’m just saying…target hardening is not just some irrelevant theory in my text books. It’s beyond sad that people who like to touch little kids exist. It really and truly is. But, as the non-mentally ill parties in this dynamic, it is our responsibility to help them help themselves. Those parents who thought Michael Jackson was anything but a rich version of the creepy guy in a van with candy are idiots. (The man had every child’s dream in his back yard for God’s sake. Why would you let your son hang out there?)
What spurred all this was a slide in my crime prevention class earlier today where the lovely state of Wisconsin (or some other W-state), has decided to put “sex offender” on the drivers license of convicted sex offenders. In three different places. In case you missed the first two bright red warnings this guy had sex with a girl a few years under the legal age of consent, there are three chances for your retarded ass to catch this. Great.
What pissed me off most was this older woman in the class said “that is a great idea.”
No. Actually, you misinformed, fear-thriving twat, that is the dumbest thing I have ever seen. Think of all the places you are required to show your state ID. When buying movie tickets? When Test driving a car? When buying a case of beer? Does the idiot working at McDonald’s checking that the name on my credit card and ID match really need to know I’m a sex offender? I think not. Why is it necessary to put someone’s criminal history on their driver’s license? It’s not like it was a DUI and we should be warned this person is getting tanked, swerving all over the road and killing innocent people. (Oh, speaking of offender populations which have a high rate of recidivism!) Sex offenses and driving seem totally unrelated in my opinion. If anyone has any insight on the matter, hook a bitch up. Do you ID people you meet? How could this possibly serve as a deterrent to future offending? In reality, this is just further alienating people, many of which may be trying to move on with a semi-normal life.
Contrary to what the misinformed, fear-thriving general population thinks, offenders feel remorse for their actions. There will always be the few-and-far-between heartless serial killers who will stab you, fuck your dead body (perhaps in your eye socket), stab you a few more times and then eat your body parts. Sure. But in reality, with proper rehabilitation, a lot of these real people gain the empathy they lacked before and understand why what they did was wrong.
It takes a certain amount of faith in our fellow humans to believe this. Maybe that is why people are so eager to condemn the pants off sex offenders. (That joke was funny for so many reasons and I didn't even realize it at first.) We’re willing to believe in a big man in the sky that created the earth in seven days and then sent his son down to walk on water…
But have faith in one another and the inherent good that surely lies somewhere within us all?
Fuck that.
I don’t expect the average person to know all the ins and outs of offender motivations or the effectiveness of rehabilitation programs. I guess, unfortunately, in reality, the average person doesn’t give much thought to these things. I have always found these things to be of extreme importance and relevance, but that’s why I ended up going to school for it. I have always had a fascination with the topic and, luckily, this fascination has led me to want to pursue a graduate degree in criminal justice when I finish undergrad this June. I do, however, expect my fellow criminal justice students to understand the implication of policies which are currently in place and how that jives with what we know to be effective and what we know to be an absolute failure.
To embrace the truth about the criminal justice system and offenders, you have to be brave. I’m not saying just to be a cop you have to be brave (in fact, quite the opposite, but more on that later). The truth about the criminal justice system and the way it (dys)functions within America is that it is not black and white. People are not just “good” or “bad” and treated accordingly. There are many complexities in offending and reoffending and treatment for offenders. I know there are people out there who understand this better than myself. Unfortunately, it seems these people are not running the justice system.
The people who are running the justice system, or at least playing a huge role in it, are average people. That’s a problem.
One of the clearest manifestations of this fear is the way sex offenders are treated. Prior to Megan’s Law, some states kept record of sex offenders and their whereabouts. Post-Megan’s Law, the public is now able to gain access to this information. While it is quite clear to see how keeping tabs on sex offenders is beyond beneficial for law enforcement officials, the fact the public now feels some sense of entitlement to this information is absolutely atrocious. America was a country founded on freedom and individuality. Why is it any of your business who that man is living down the street?
I would never go so far as to say sex offenders (or any offenders) should have their record cleared after serving their time. That too is atrocious. However, sex offenders – and all other criminals – are still people who should still have the right to privacy that the rest of us enjoy as American citizens. If you go to the site http://www.familywatchdog.us/, it’s possible for you to find information about the sex offenders who live and work in your area. You can see a picture of this person, their specific offense (which most people don’t fully understand anyways), their exact address, their place of employment, even what tattoos they may have. You have got to be kidding me. We are now cataloging the tattoos of sex offenders. Clearly their picture, full legal name, date of birth, address and picture wasn’t enough to help us identify these people.
I sincerely hope the average person never looks at this in an attempt to gauge the safety of their neighborhood or where to let their children play or anything of the sort. You can even find your child’s school on the map, find out how many sex offenders live within a half-mile radius and see their pictures/information in a list. What good does this do? Will you be sure to run out into the street and grab your child if you see this man walking by? How absurd.
If you are not keeping a close enough eye on your child to ensure they are not abducted or molested, you are a complete fool. In fact, parents are usually pretty good about not allowing their children to fall into the hands of strangers. That would be why most sexual assaults are not committed by total strangers. Keeping this in mind, what good could the sex offender registry possibly be? You should be cautious of all new people you meet and even more cautious of who you allow to be in the company of your child without your direct supervision. This stupid registry will not prevent bad parenting or lax supervision. I wish it were possible to stop mentally inferior people incapable of protecting their children from even having children in the first place, but alas, that it totally impossible.
The only thing sex offender registries serves to create is an unreasonable, unjustified sense of fear in the community. Oh no. That poor old guy who has never been properly socialized to interact in a normal manner with his peers just moved in next door. Forget the fact he is clearly beyond troubled. Let’s publish all of his personal information on a website and allow people to post giant signs in his yard which state “Sex Offender Lives Here!” Yes. That is really helping his attempts at reintegrating into society and getting back to a normal life.
The truth is, many sex offenders are successfully rehabilitated. Clearly no method will fully prevent every kind of offender from going back to their bad ways, but can we not give these people the benefit of the doubt? Do we keep a registry of where all the thieves live? People who commit property offenses have great motivation to reoffend. Why don’t we track them? When I come home and my TV is gone, I would like to know where the closest burglar is so I can have the police go fuck with him about my missing flat screen – A flat screen that I obviously didn’t care too much about as I left my apartment door unlocked while I left so someone could easily waltz in and take it. It’s absurd, isn’t it?
If you give a flying fuck about your children (and you should), you should be overly cautious all the time. Not just when there is a sex offender in your neighborhood. There are plenty of new sex offenders just waiting for the opportunity to butt rape little Bobby when you turn your back. Are we so foolish as to think keeping track of existing sex offenders will rape-proof our children?
Please note, I am not attempting to alleviate sex offenders of their responsibility for the atrocious things they have done and the negative lifelong effects their actions will undoubtedly have on their victim. I’m just saying…target hardening is not just some irrelevant theory in my text books. It’s beyond sad that people who like to touch little kids exist. It really and truly is. But, as the non-mentally ill parties in this dynamic, it is our responsibility to help them help themselves. Those parents who thought Michael Jackson was anything but a rich version of the creepy guy in a van with candy are idiots. (The man had every child’s dream in his back yard for God’s sake. Why would you let your son hang out there?)
What spurred all this was a slide in my crime prevention class earlier today where the lovely state of Wisconsin (or some other W-state), has decided to put “sex offender” on the drivers license of convicted sex offenders. In three different places. In case you missed the first two bright red warnings this guy had sex with a girl a few years under the legal age of consent, there are three chances for your retarded ass to catch this. Great.
What pissed me off most was this older woman in the class said “that is a great idea.”
No. Actually, you misinformed, fear-thriving twat, that is the dumbest thing I have ever seen. Think of all the places you are required to show your state ID. When buying movie tickets? When Test driving a car? When buying a case of beer? Does the idiot working at McDonald’s checking that the name on my credit card and ID match really need to know I’m a sex offender? I think not. Why is it necessary to put someone’s criminal history on their driver’s license? It’s not like it was a DUI and we should be warned this person is getting tanked, swerving all over the road and killing innocent people. (Oh, speaking of offender populations which have a high rate of recidivism!) Sex offenses and driving seem totally unrelated in my opinion. If anyone has any insight on the matter, hook a bitch up. Do you ID people you meet? How could this possibly serve as a deterrent to future offending? In reality, this is just further alienating people, many of which may be trying to move on with a semi-normal life.
Contrary to what the misinformed, fear-thriving general population thinks, offenders feel remorse for their actions. There will always be the few-and-far-between heartless serial killers who will stab you, fuck your dead body (perhaps in your eye socket), stab you a few more times and then eat your body parts. Sure. But in reality, with proper rehabilitation, a lot of these real people gain the empathy they lacked before and understand why what they did was wrong.
It takes a certain amount of faith in our fellow humans to believe this. Maybe that is why people are so eager to condemn the pants off sex offenders. (That joke was funny for so many reasons and I didn't even realize it at first.) We’re willing to believe in a big man in the sky that created the earth in seven days and then sent his son down to walk on water…
But have faith in one another and the inherent good that surely lies somewhere within us all?
Fuck that.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Let's Talk About: The Fab Five
Apparently I've been living under a rock...or I just didn't pay enough attention to the high school drama that made its way onto the national news scene. Can't say I'm too upset about that though.
If you too aren't familiar with the girls of McKinney North High School outside of Dallas, here is my very brief, very biased synopsis:
---Once upon a time there were five spoiled ass white girls, one of which was lucky enough to have a mommy who was also the principal of McKinney North. These spoiled ass white girls all happened to be cheerleaders who thought their shit didn't stink. Allegedly, these girls told teachers to fuck off while talking on their cell phones in class, flipped other teachers off and were just generally a pain in the ass.
---One day, a new cheer coach comes to town and the girls end up stealing her cell phone and send her husband and someone else lewd text messages. (Why the coach was so upset about the girls sending her husband raunchy texts is beyond me. Perhaps she realized teenage girls could better entertain her man and was mortified.) When new coach tries to get the girls in trouble...surprise, surprise, Mom the principal isn't too interested in handing out punishments.
Oh yeah, and somewhere along the way, the girls post questionable pictures of themselves on MySpace.
Oh, and then the mommy principal gets fired. Once again, surprise.
The part about this that makes me super excited is the pictures on MySpace. While the infamous candle picture has clearly been removed before Internet whores like myself could get their hands on them and mass produce them with hilarious captions, rumor has it the girls are in a sex shop or something and are making inappropriate gestures with penis candles.
Talk about friends I'd like to have.
If administrators and other people over the age of 40 think this shit doesn't happen, they're fools. That's how our generation is...lewd and unapologetic. I don't care if this bimbo cheerleader is stuffing a phallic shaped candle up another cheerleader's ass. Since when were we expecting high school'ers to be the epitome of maturity or good role models? They are young, impressionable and foolish as hell. Does it really matter? What does the big picture have to do with the MySpace pictures?
The big picture is...someone raised these girls to be this way. Older generations attempt to blame us for the way we've turned out but I mean, someone is (ir)responsible, and it's not just us.
On the verge of real adulthood myself, I can safely say there is a picture of me with a stolen leg bone from a skeleton in my mouth at a bar around Halloween time. Aside from the fact it was totally unflattering, it also wasn't that funny so only myself and my cousin and a few friends have seen it. I almost couldn't stop laughing to put it in my mouth.
Maybe the biggest difference between our generation and those that came before us is the fact we're not phased by things like this. To us, it's really not a big deal.
Does anyone honestly believe the fab five in Texas are the only fab five out there? Are these the only girls who pose like this...?
To be honest, I see that shit going on so often that I can't even be sure those are the girls in question. Those pictures just came up when I Google'd them. The chick does appear to have a North cheerleading outfit on but even that could be a different "North."
I don't really see any reason why such a big deal was made over the pictures. There are also some pictures of the girls drinking while scantily clad. Once again, typical high school stuff, I'm sure of that. It was never my cup of tea but I can only imagine what takes place in high school social circles these days.
What bothers me most about these girls isn't that they faked sexual interest in one another to make their pictures funnier...nor is it that they posed with penis shaped candles while in a sex shop. What really sucks about these girls is their attitude. Their sense of entitlement at such a young age, an age where you have truly accomplished absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of life, is a tell tale sign it wasn't just created by their own self-worth. Mom and dad (if both parents are in the picture) did a great job of spoiling the shit out of these girls somewhere along the line.
I'm all for giving kids a cushy life. Passing on opportunities you were never granted as a child is par for the course in parenting as far as I'm concerned. Parents who cannot financially support their children to a very big extent aren't really doing their job. However, parents who cannot provide moral guidelines are guilty of the same.
High school kids are going to drink. High school kids are going to make obscene gestures. High school kids are going to do absolutely retarded things. Now a days, with the blessings of technology, high school kids are going to document these idiotic activities with their digital/cell phone cameras. None of that is alarming.
What's alarming is the fact these kids were ridiculously over-publicized for being just like every other spoiled brat in America. Lifetime even made a movie about their nastiness.
Sure, that did nothing for their already larger-than-life egos.
[d'oh]
If you too aren't familiar with the girls of McKinney North High School outside of Dallas, here is my very brief, very biased synopsis:
---Once upon a time there were five spoiled ass white girls, one of which was lucky enough to have a mommy who was also the principal of McKinney North. These spoiled ass white girls all happened to be cheerleaders who thought their shit didn't stink. Allegedly, these girls told teachers to fuck off while talking on their cell phones in class, flipped other teachers off and were just generally a pain in the ass.
---One day, a new cheer coach comes to town and the girls end up stealing her cell phone and send her husband and someone else lewd text messages. (Why the coach was so upset about the girls sending her husband raunchy texts is beyond me. Perhaps she realized teenage girls could better entertain her man and was mortified.) When new coach tries to get the girls in trouble...surprise, surprise, Mom the principal isn't too interested in handing out punishments.
Oh yeah, and somewhere along the way, the girls post questionable pictures of themselves on MySpace.
Oh, and then the mommy principal gets fired. Once again, surprise.
The part about this that makes me super excited is the pictures on MySpace. While the infamous candle picture has clearly been removed before Internet whores like myself could get their hands on them and mass produce them with hilarious captions, rumor has it the girls are in a sex shop or something and are making inappropriate gestures with penis candles.
Talk about friends I'd like to have.
If administrators and other people over the age of 40 think this shit doesn't happen, they're fools. That's how our generation is...lewd and unapologetic. I don't care if this bimbo cheerleader is stuffing a phallic shaped candle up another cheerleader's ass. Since when were we expecting high school'ers to be the epitome of maturity or good role models? They are young, impressionable and foolish as hell. Does it really matter? What does the big picture have to do with the MySpace pictures?
The big picture is...someone raised these girls to be this way. Older generations attempt to blame us for the way we've turned out but I mean, someone is (ir)responsible, and it's not just us.
On the verge of real adulthood myself, I can safely say there is a picture of me with a stolen leg bone from a skeleton in my mouth at a bar around Halloween time. Aside from the fact it was totally unflattering, it also wasn't that funny so only myself and my cousin and a few friends have seen it. I almost couldn't stop laughing to put it in my mouth.
Maybe the biggest difference between our generation and those that came before us is the fact we're not phased by things like this. To us, it's really not a big deal.
Does anyone honestly believe the fab five in Texas are the only fab five out there? Are these the only girls who pose like this...?
To be honest, I see that shit going on so often that I can't even be sure those are the girls in question. Those pictures just came up when I Google'd them. The chick does appear to have a North cheerleading outfit on but even that could be a different "North."
I don't really see any reason why such a big deal was made over the pictures. There are also some pictures of the girls drinking while scantily clad. Once again, typical high school stuff, I'm sure of that. It was never my cup of tea but I can only imagine what takes place in high school social circles these days.
What bothers me most about these girls isn't that they faked sexual interest in one another to make their pictures funnier...nor is it that they posed with penis shaped candles while in a sex shop. What really sucks about these girls is their attitude. Their sense of entitlement at such a young age, an age where you have truly accomplished absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of life, is a tell tale sign it wasn't just created by their own self-worth. Mom and dad (if both parents are in the picture) did a great job of spoiling the shit out of these girls somewhere along the line.
I'm all for giving kids a cushy life. Passing on opportunities you were never granted as a child is par for the course in parenting as far as I'm concerned. Parents who cannot financially support their children to a very big extent aren't really doing their job. However, parents who cannot provide moral guidelines are guilty of the same.
High school kids are going to drink. High school kids are going to make obscene gestures. High school kids are going to do absolutely retarded things. Now a days, with the blessings of technology, high school kids are going to document these idiotic activities with their digital/cell phone cameras. None of that is alarming.
What's alarming is the fact these kids were ridiculously over-publicized for being just like every other spoiled brat in America. Lifetime even made a movie about their nastiness.
Sure, that did nothing for their already larger-than-life egos.
[d'oh]
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Let's Talk About: Gender.
"I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat or a prostitute."
--Rebecca West
Despite taking a single feminism class a year ago, I am not very well versed in the matter. Surprisingly (or not), I have been called a feminist numerous times in my two decades of roaming this Earth. Usually it was when I did what the above states...differentiating myself from a doormat especially. I remember one time very clearly: I was with a female college friend visiting one of her guy friends at another school. As he was bragging about being able to con some girl into doing his laundry for him, I pointed out she must be a fool to do such a favor with nothing in return. His response was "Wow, feminist much?" My female "friend" replied, "Just a touch."
Burn.
My mother never raised me to be necessarily proud to be a woman nor did my father treat me like "daddy's little girl." Perhaps it was because my parents were hoping their first born was a son but I always did boy-ish activities with my dad. We went fishing, did yard/house work together, watched sports, went skating, you name it. Growing up I liked to do all kinds of things; from climbing trees to dressing up my extensive Barbie collection (all of my Barbies drove the same pink Corvette though). One year for Christmas, as evidenced by pictures, I was given a play tool set and a doll house. I don't remember which one I gravitated towards first although I bet it says a lot about who I am. I do remember thoroughly enjoying both toys until they fell apart.
I never really thought anything of it.
At a young age, I started to realize it wasn't as unclear as I made it out to be. You were either a girl or a boy. Don't get me wrong, I've never questioned my gender but I have always enjoyed being "one of the guys" and more masculine activities. Thus, the "cooties" years were pretty hard on me. According to my mom, I came back from school in first grade and cried when my best male friend since preschool stopped hanging out with me because he liked his guy friends better.
And so my life continued; always wanting to do and enjoying things the "average" girl does not. In high school the careers which attracted me most were anything dealing with cars and law enforcement...not exactly the most girlie of interests. (I've never had the nurture in me to be a teacher or a nurse or a profession where I had to take care of people.) By this age however, we didn't have cooties anymore and most of my friends were males again. The few girls I could really get along with were similarly different from the other girls we knew but there were, and still are, just enough of us for me to feel not too lonely.
Now I've come to the culmination of all those years of gender-role-confusion. I've found myself in a crash-course police academy with 3 other girls and 40-some other men. Although I've grown accustomed to being the only girl (like the summer I worked at a car detailing shop), it's never ceased to amaze me how men have always managed to make me feel like a sissy. Whether it's the male boss who finds it acceptable to hit on me at work or the way guys offer to do the hard stuff for me...I've felt extremely belittled.
I thought this career choice would be similar. Of course, some men are under the impression the last place women belong is along side of them in a badge, the biggest disappointments I've experienced have been ones in which only I have played a hand.
The first day of my training, I was screamed at, spit at and made to do push ups until my muscles reached near failure. I never thought this would be a walk in the park but damn, I was in for a surprise. After being surrounded by 4 men who screamed in my face about not having a piece of equipment the property department was out of, something in my reaction gave off the impression I was being disrespectful. More push ups. It wasn't the push ups that hurt this time though. It was the frustration I felt at being misunderstood. There was nothing I could do...when a group of full grown-and-then-some sized men are screaming in your face, you learn how to shutup real fast.
Luckily for me, we were excused to the locker rooms before the tears overflowed.
Less than a week later and I find myself at a shooting range. Having never fired a gun before, I thought this would be a new and enjoyable experience. The first attempt went swimmingly. I wasn't the best shot but I was doing better than the only other girl in my group and got all my rounds off on time. The second attempt however required single strong and weak hand shooting. I'd like to blame the fact I couldn't reach/pull the trigger on the hurricane-like conditions in which I was firing but I think it had more to do with my small hands and lack of weapon knowledge.
Standing on the line, surrounded by a dozen men, the tears started to roll down my face. Luckily for me it was raining and I was bound and determined to squeeze those rounds off that measly 12 pound trigger. I kept pulling and pulling and nothing was happening. My finger was too high up on the trigger and I couldn't get a single round off after the initial couple. I started to cry a bit harder but kept pulling away. Finally, a second instructor came over to offer assistance. When he asked me what was wrong, I lost it. I started bawling in front of all those male strangers and wailed something about not wanting to go home.
More frustration.
Although I've always done my best to kick ass despite my gender and defy the norms, here I was, a girl in a man's shoes...crying like a baby.
Maybe those people are right. Maybe girls aren't meant to be police officers or do all those other positions normally held by men. I argue the few of us who can muscle through it ARE meant for it though. While my male counterparts at the academy can bust out those 100-some pushups a day with no problem and can fire a perfect score on their first attempt, it is not success which builds character and tests your strength. It is only after falling completely on your face and getting back up to try again that you toughen up.
You can say it's a man's job. Say women have no place in some agencies. I know all the women who have made it have had to push themselves exponentially harder than the men who do the same job. It may come more naturally to the male species but that only makes our equal achievements more impressive.
And in case you were wondering, on my third attempt, I shot a perfect score.
--Rebecca West
Despite taking a single feminism class a year ago, I am not very well versed in the matter. Surprisingly (or not), I have been called a feminist numerous times in my two decades of roaming this Earth. Usually it was when I did what the above states...differentiating myself from a doormat especially. I remember one time very clearly: I was with a female college friend visiting one of her guy friends at another school. As he was bragging about being able to con some girl into doing his laundry for him, I pointed out she must be a fool to do such a favor with nothing in return. His response was "Wow, feminist much?" My female "friend" replied, "Just a touch."
Burn.
My mother never raised me to be necessarily proud to be a woman nor did my father treat me like "daddy's little girl." Perhaps it was because my parents were hoping their first born was a son but I always did boy-ish activities with my dad. We went fishing, did yard/house work together, watched sports, went skating, you name it. Growing up I liked to do all kinds of things; from climbing trees to dressing up my extensive Barbie collection (all of my Barbies drove the same pink Corvette though). One year for Christmas, as evidenced by pictures, I was given a play tool set and a doll house. I don't remember which one I gravitated towards first although I bet it says a lot about who I am. I do remember thoroughly enjoying both toys until they fell apart.
I never really thought anything of it.
At a young age, I started to realize it wasn't as unclear as I made it out to be. You were either a girl or a boy. Don't get me wrong, I've never questioned my gender but I have always enjoyed being "one of the guys" and more masculine activities. Thus, the "cooties" years were pretty hard on me. According to my mom, I came back from school in first grade and cried when my best male friend since preschool stopped hanging out with me because he liked his guy friends better.
And so my life continued; always wanting to do and enjoying things the "average" girl does not. In high school the careers which attracted me most were anything dealing with cars and law enforcement...not exactly the most girlie of interests. (I've never had the nurture in me to be a teacher or a nurse or a profession where I had to take care of people.) By this age however, we didn't have cooties anymore and most of my friends were males again. The few girls I could really get along with were similarly different from the other girls we knew but there were, and still are, just enough of us for me to feel not too lonely.
Now I've come to the culmination of all those years of gender-role-confusion. I've found myself in a crash-course police academy with 3 other girls and 40-some other men. Although I've grown accustomed to being the only girl (like the summer I worked at a car detailing shop), it's never ceased to amaze me how men have always managed to make me feel like a sissy. Whether it's the male boss who finds it acceptable to hit on me at work or the way guys offer to do the hard stuff for me...I've felt extremely belittled.
I thought this career choice would be similar. Of course, some men are under the impression the last place women belong is along side of them in a badge, the biggest disappointments I've experienced have been ones in which only I have played a hand.
The first day of my training, I was screamed at, spit at and made to do push ups until my muscles reached near failure. I never thought this would be a walk in the park but damn, I was in for a surprise. After being surrounded by 4 men who screamed in my face about not having a piece of equipment the property department was out of, something in my reaction gave off the impression I was being disrespectful. More push ups. It wasn't the push ups that hurt this time though. It was the frustration I felt at being misunderstood. There was nothing I could do...when a group of full grown-and-then-some sized men are screaming in your face, you learn how to shutup real fast.
Luckily for me, we were excused to the locker rooms before the tears overflowed.
Less than a week later and I find myself at a shooting range. Having never fired a gun before, I thought this would be a new and enjoyable experience. The first attempt went swimmingly. I wasn't the best shot but I was doing better than the only other girl in my group and got all my rounds off on time. The second attempt however required single strong and weak hand shooting. I'd like to blame the fact I couldn't reach/pull the trigger on the hurricane-like conditions in which I was firing but I think it had more to do with my small hands and lack of weapon knowledge.
Standing on the line, surrounded by a dozen men, the tears started to roll down my face. Luckily for me it was raining and I was bound and determined to squeeze those rounds off that measly 12 pound trigger. I kept pulling and pulling and nothing was happening. My finger was too high up on the trigger and I couldn't get a single round off after the initial couple. I started to cry a bit harder but kept pulling away. Finally, a second instructor came over to offer assistance. When he asked me what was wrong, I lost it. I started bawling in front of all those male strangers and wailed something about not wanting to go home.
More frustration.
Although I've always done my best to kick ass despite my gender and defy the norms, here I was, a girl in a man's shoes...crying like a baby.
Maybe those people are right. Maybe girls aren't meant to be police officers or do all those other positions normally held by men. I argue the few of us who can muscle through it ARE meant for it though. While my male counterparts at the academy can bust out those 100-some pushups a day with no problem and can fire a perfect score on their first attempt, it is not success which builds character and tests your strength. It is only after falling completely on your face and getting back up to try again that you toughen up.
You can say it's a man's job. Say women have no place in some agencies. I know all the women who have made it have had to push themselves exponentially harder than the men who do the same job. It may come more naturally to the male species but that only makes our equal achievements more impressive.
And in case you were wondering, on my third attempt, I shot a perfect score.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Let's Talk About: Monogamy.
“It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard.”
– Dorothy Parker
Oh monogamy…what an overrated idea. After my last relationship ended so nastily, I had sworn nothing made you hate someone faster than becoming exclusive with them. Seeing them every day, having to listen to their stupid stories and lame jokes over and over, getting to know all their nasty habits and their ugly side, frequency, repetition, familiarity, blah. It is for the birds or fools, or perhaps both.
Sparrows or swallows are rumored to be monogamous. And penguins too right? I’ve not seriously investigated it but, if this is true, I’m willing to bet these animals have relatively short life-spans. Nothing like to 70-some years Americans are predicted to live. Monogamy makes sense for animals that only live 20 years. Hell, if I popped out of a uterus knowing I’d be gone in a couple decades, I’d start mating with the first person I saw and never let them go. Understandable, sure. But 20 plus years with the same person? No thank you!!
And death really is the only way out of those types of relationships. Or something even more unpleasant. “More unpleasant than death?” you ask. Well, I can think of a few things…
I suppose some people like the idea of monogamy. Of course, it’s these people of which you must be wary. They’re either possessive or delusional. I’m convinced most people don’t actually enjoy the idea of being with the same person for life. Nature indicates it’s about as unnatural as Hell. Society indicates it’s expected. So we do it. We date around, find someone we like and settle down. I’m not talking about marriage either. Marriage is the worst. Getting married is like swearing to monogamy. I’m talking about relationships. Relationships (pre-marriage) are just monogamous agreements. Don’t fool yourself though, these suck too.
At a young age, how can you possibly find what you want for the rest of your life? You cannot. Instead you find someone you can get along with in the here-and-now, settle down and cling away like there’s no tomorrow. Eventually you’re miserable and either “stay together for the kids” or divorce. That’s the statistic which proves monogamy is unnatural. Look at the divorce rate! Some sites have suggested it is near 50% in the U.S. How hopeful. And divorce rates don’t even take into account the percentage of couples who are still together and hating each other.
I’ve never been married but I’ve been in a few relationships which have gone to Hell. Same idea, I suppose. In relationships though, you don’t have to go to court to get the fuck out.
When I express these ideas to most people, they assume I’ve been hurt really bad in the past and I’m afraid to commit. I’m some heartbroken, hapless girl who needs to be saved by a man who knows how to treat her or something. It’s funny when people verbalize this because I never know what to say. I am shocked to find I have been traumatized and that is why I think this way. I thought, just perhaps, common sense led me to this conclusion? I can admit, my first serious relationship happened at a young age and I was a fool. I was hurt pretty bad but I don’t think I still carry around baggage from it and I consider myself pretty in-touch with my emotions. And quite honestly, since then, I’ve been the one doing the “heart-breaking.” I’ve been treated really well in my last few relationships. It was the familiarity which got to me. I got bored. Of course, I made other excuses to break it off but I never let them think it was their fault (and it wasn’t.) “It’s me!” I can say that and mean it and, to be honest, it feels great to be honest.
But now I find myself in a conundrum. For the last six months or so, I’ve been treated very well. One of my biggest relationship problems is I always end up with the guys who will sacrifice themselves to make me happy. Once again, none of this indicates I have been mistreated…quite the opposite! While it is clear to see how this can get boring fast, what I discovered a few days ago came as a shock.
While lying in bed, my significant other began answering text messages rather early in the morning. Okay, it was the afternoon but it was “morning” as we were still in bed, somewhat sleeping. When he went to throw the wash into the drier, I decided to do something totally out of character. I went snooping. I got exactly what I was asking for when I found he’d been sending a female co-worker some rather incriminating messages. If you know me, you know I’m never one to sit down, shut up and just keep something to myself. I ended up kicking him out after some very unsatisfactory explanations.
Although my snooping was out of character, so was his texting! Of all the men I’ve dated, I’ve trusted this one quite a bit. This was the last thing I expected from him. The guy who told me numerous times he wanted to be in a relationship and get married and settle down and all that miserable madness I’ve condemned thus far…he was going to do this? In the midst of his half-assed excuses, he revealed I was the only girl he’d been with that he hadn’t cheated on…yet.
In hind sight, after some deliberation with a close male friend, his wandering ways make a bit of sense. Men who are willing to sacrifice themselves so much to please a girl are rarely satisfied with themselves. To feel like a man again, it only makes sense to pursue another girl. It strokes the damaged ego, ya know? I get it.
What I don’t get is why he swore being exclusive is what he wanted? Why was he the one who pushed me into a relationship? So he could do this? I’m not that jaded or cynical. I don’t believe people start out with the intentions of hurting another. I’m just shocked to find I’m a victim of someone who has fooled themselves into thinking they were capable of monogamy. As stupid of a thing as it is.
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Let’s Talk About: “Safety”
This weekend marks the second time I have flown in the last seven or eight years. The last time I flew was back in 2003 and it was international (I spent three weeks in the UK). Because I was traveling with a large student group, I arrived at the airport ridiculously early and thought nothing of it. Perhaps security restrictions weren’t all they’ve become lately or perhaps my memory just fails me. Regardless, I would like to dedicate this blog to real truth, justice and safety. Not the outlandish ideas of truth, justice and safety we’ve been chasing since that fateful day in September.
This is by no means an attack on the honorable government employees who have chosen to uphold and enforce these silly laws. This is however, an attack on the administration which created their jobs and this foolish notion of “safety” in what can only be considered an attempt to scare the American public. I respect every individual who makes an honest living, especially one of civil service. I understand the general population is a nasty breed and I give these people props on dealing with the impatient fucks of the country who cannot be bothered with the extra twenty minutes it takes them to get through security. I’m not one of these fucks as much as I like to complain about these procedures. I do not consider myself rude or disrespectful towards Transportation Security Officers. I just think their job is a joke and I’d like to see my tax dollars going towards something which will really protect me and my fellow citizens. (Please note: I retract every nice thing I said in this paragraph if you’re one of those officers who “randomly” selects all the brown people to be searched…I’m onto you.)
The truth of the matter is, if my plane goes down because some crazy terrorist fuck has smuggled a weapon or explosive past security, I will not point my finger at the Transportation Security Administration. (Maybe because I wouldn’t have a finger to point, but that’s beside the point…okay, too much pointing.) At the same time, if my plane arrives at its destination safely, I do not thank my lucky stars for these people either. In my ever-so-humble opinion, if something is meant to be, no amount of “safety” precautions will prevent it. I don’t care how many screeners you pass my bag through or how much toothpaste you’ve confiscated. Where there is a will, there is a way.
Let’s make sense now. I know it’s hard for the people running our country to fathom such logic, but I’m going to break it down as easy as possible. The terrorists who we believe were responsible for 9/11 are long gone. And the future generations of potential terrorists are a bit smarter than we’re willing to admit. Even if it weren’t for the recent spike in security measures, I am thoroughly convinced potential terrorists would not attempt to attack America in the same manners previously used.
The fact a small number of people were able to overtake a majority of passengers and pilots using box cutters in the first place is almost laughable. I am not implying the attacks which took place that day could have been put down with a simple act of bravery or vigilantism but everyone with a less than empty head on their shoulders can admit it is absurd. So while we’re focusing all our efforts and resources on ensuring the airways are safe to travel, these future terrorists are spending their time wisely scheming how to sneak attack through the backdoor we never even fathomed. I mean, if I wanted to send a message to America (or the entire fucking world), the first thing I would do would be to get my pilots license and fly over, say Disney World, and drop some kind of incurable disease all over that hellhole. Not only are they poisoning everyone at the park but everyone these people (who are potentially oblivious) come in contact with for the duration of their trip. And once they get home, success…the virus has spread all over the state, country, globe and the real mayhem can begin.
I wonder if the Patriot Act prevents me from even thinking about such things. If something horrible like this incident I have theorized in my head ever happens, I’d like to state here and now – I am not responsible. I love my country too much for that and, quite honestly, I am too damn lazy to exert the effort required to follow through with such a laborious task. I’m just pointing out; as far as I know, this is a brilliant plan which could be carried out with little to no hindrance. And all this time, we’ve been worried about making people throw out their hand lotion which exceeds 3 ounces. Doesn’t it seem a bit trivial?
I concur, we need someone or something to make our flights safe but if we want to be so anal about flying, shouldn’t we at least consider the other ways in which our country is open to attack? Well, I suppose if we could worry in moderation, it would be advisable. It appears, however, moderation is unpopular at this point in time.
The bottom line is, let us not overcompensate for past mistakes. I believe the government had at least a slight indication or warning of the things to come and I believe someone quickly brushed it under the rug as impossible. We are America, the unstoppable nation, he must have thought. And what American can blame him? Admitting we are vulnerable is admitting we are weak.
But what is a greater travesty – being truthful about the chinks in our armor or pretending to be invincible and thus putting ourselves at an even larger risk?
Sunday, December 2, 2007
Let's Talk About: Addiction.
Who is responsible for stopping someone who is clearly out of control?
Parents? No doubt, lack of parental controls and discipline can be called into question. It's also easy to assume the parents were not the best of role models in their habits themselves. But what if the parents did all they could? What if the parents have done their best to provide every opportunity for their child? Can you still point the finger at them? Is it not possible for the apple to fall very far from the tree?
"Friends?" People tend to do things in which their associates take part. Sometimes though, people become friends with someone because they already have a bad habit in common. If the people feed off of one another, it is similar to the chicken v egg debate.
What of individual responsibility? As a society, Americans are taught total contradictions about social responsibility. On one hand, we are told to worry about ourselves, often assigning blame or negative connotations to someone who snitches. On the other, the government imposes rules meant only to save us from ourselves (ie: seatbelt laws, criminalization of drugs, etc.) If the label "addict" is prescribed to someone, is their judgment not, by default, amiss?
Someone close to me recently had a run in with the law due to what I've always assumed to be a slight case of a drinking problem. One DUI charge and a few weeks later, this person has yet to really make it clear to me whether they admit to their problem or not. How involved am I supposed to be in this recovery process? Do I let the court ordered rehabilitation do its job, knowing full well preaching abstinence to someone who has made this such a huge part of their life seems foolish and somewhat unreasonable? Granted, I shouldn't be asking this person to drink with me, but am I expected not to drink in the presence of this person? What if I live with this person? Am I setting them up for failure by keeping a case of beer in the fridge?
Answers of any kind would be greatly appreciated.
More later. <3
Parents? No doubt, lack of parental controls and discipline can be called into question. It's also easy to assume the parents were not the best of role models in their habits themselves. But what if the parents did all they could? What if the parents have done their best to provide every opportunity for their child? Can you still point the finger at them? Is it not possible for the apple to fall very far from the tree?
"Friends?" People tend to do things in which their associates take part. Sometimes though, people become friends with someone because they already have a bad habit in common. If the people feed off of one another, it is similar to the chicken v egg debate.
What of individual responsibility? As a society, Americans are taught total contradictions about social responsibility. On one hand, we are told to worry about ourselves, often assigning blame or negative connotations to someone who snitches. On the other, the government imposes rules meant only to save us from ourselves (ie: seatbelt laws, criminalization of drugs, etc.) If the label "addict" is prescribed to someone, is their judgment not, by default, amiss?
Someone close to me recently had a run in with the law due to what I've always assumed to be a slight case of a drinking problem. One DUI charge and a few weeks later, this person has yet to really make it clear to me whether they admit to their problem or not. How involved am I supposed to be in this recovery process? Do I let the court ordered rehabilitation do its job, knowing full well preaching abstinence to someone who has made this such a huge part of their life seems foolish and somewhat unreasonable? Granted, I shouldn't be asking this person to drink with me, but am I expected not to drink in the presence of this person? What if I live with this person? Am I setting them up for failure by keeping a case of beer in the fridge?
Answers of any kind would be greatly appreciated.
More later. <3
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Let's Talk About: Being Honest
This is a recent email I sent to my ex...pretty self-explanatory.
Sorry it's taken me a few days to actually sit down and write to you since I initially warned you. I've been thinking long and hard about what to say to you but I still do not know. I thought for sure something would've struck me by now but alas, no such luck.
I don't think we are wrong in our recent decision not to speak to one another (whether we both agreed to it or if it just happened). Although I miss hearing from you, I do not believe our continued communication helped either one of us really get over the other. If I'm putting words in your mouth, feel free to let me know but this was always the impression I received from you.
I regret my rude comments the last time we spoke (which I barely remember) but I assume I probably said something I felt needed to be said. I still love you and still wish you the best but I think it has become rather apparent a relationship between us is not plausible at this point in time due to distance and etc.
I do not regret, however, a single moment I spent with you. For the rest of my life men will be held to a different standard. (I've yet to discover whether that's going to seriously limit my selection but it could only be for the best. lol) I am not sure I will ever find someone who seemed to understand me as well as you did. That being said...
I was unreasonably hurt to discover you were seeing someone else. I have been seeing other people but felt as if you were already getting serious with someone else. I know that the degree to which you're involved with someone doesn't really matter...I mean, none of it should matter to me anymore. As much as you've probably always hated me comparing our relationship to that of mine and Austin's, this too is similar to how I acted after we split. Even though I attempted (and failed miserably) to find someone to treat me as well as he did, I was too jealous to maintain a friendship with him while he did the same.
For this reason, I think our lack of communication is for the best. Had I had the balls, I would've decided this a long time ago. I severely underestimated my own immaturity. You, of all people, do not deserve such jealousy from a girl who is too foolish to know her own heart. Although I will undoubtedly question my decision to not be with you, I will do my best to remind myself that you deserve better than I could possibly offer you at this time...or perhaps ever.
Please know if you ever need anything in the entire world, I will be more than willing to assist in any way possible.
I will miss you everyday.
Sorry it's taken me a few days to actually sit down and write to you since I initially warned you. I've been thinking long and hard about what to say to you but I still do not know. I thought for sure something would've struck me by now but alas, no such luck.
I don't think we are wrong in our recent decision not to speak to one another (whether we both agreed to it or if it just happened). Although I miss hearing from you, I do not believe our continued communication helped either one of us really get over the other. If I'm putting words in your mouth, feel free to let me know but this was always the impression I received from you.
I regret my rude comments the last time we spoke (which I barely remember) but I assume I probably said something I felt needed to be said. I still love you and still wish you the best but I think it has become rather apparent a relationship between us is not plausible at this point in time due to distance and etc.
I do not regret, however, a single moment I spent with you. For the rest of my life men will be held to a different standard. (I've yet to discover whether that's going to seriously limit my selection but it could only be for the best. lol) I am not sure I will ever find someone who seemed to understand me as well as you did. That being said...
I was unreasonably hurt to discover you were seeing someone else. I have been seeing other people but felt as if you were already getting serious with someone else. I know that the degree to which you're involved with someone doesn't really matter...I mean, none of it should matter to me anymore. As much as you've probably always hated me comparing our relationship to that of mine and Austin's, this too is similar to how I acted after we split. Even though I attempted (and failed miserably) to find someone to treat me as well as he did, I was too jealous to maintain a friendship with him while he did the same.
For this reason, I think our lack of communication is for the best. Had I had the balls, I would've decided this a long time ago. I severely underestimated my own immaturity. You, of all people, do not deserve such jealousy from a girl who is too foolish to know her own heart. Although I will undoubtedly question my decision to not be with you, I will do my best to remind myself that you deserve better than I could possibly offer you at this time...or perhaps ever.
Please know if you ever need anything in the entire world, I will be more than willing to assist in any way possible.
I will miss you everyday.
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Let's Talk About: Me.
As conceited and self-absorbed as that sounds, let me take this time to completely explain...
I have come to the realization; I suck. Maybe I should be a bit more specific. I think the word for what I am is selfish. Also critical and cynical. Perhaps even (gasp) hypocritical. Bottom line? I’m a horrible bitch.
I have also come to the realization that I pretty much prefer distant, less involved relationships. Ouch.
I won’t go into a lot of detail as to how I came to this realization. I have been noticing how easy it is for me to make nice with people if I attempt it. Unfortunately, after spending an extended period of time with some loved ones this summer, I’ve begun to see what bad behavior I’ve been exhibiting when comfortable enough.
I do this thing, anytime I’m out in public with a close friend, where I constantly say stupid shit I’m thinking out loud. This isn’t abnormal for me, but it’s always about other people. I do this a lot, but most of the time, I’m kidding. I just enjoy laughing at other people. I defend this by maintaining I only make fun of people for things they have control over like clothing choices, behaviors, etc. I find it quite amusing but lately, people have been calling me overly critical. I feel like perhaps there is an amount of truth to this observation.
I was moving into a new apartment this weekend and basically snapped at every member of my family that had come down to help me. The entire time. I don’t know what’s wrong with me…I’d love to excuse it by claiming I was exhausted and frustrated but I’m sure they were too. And I was just being unreasonable.
While at school, I don’t have extremely personal relationships. I have a number of friends but few with whom I spend everyday. I think this lack of intensity has allowed me to forget how important such relationships are and how to treat people I care about.
I’m tempted to say I’ve actually set it up this way. I’ve purposely avoided getting too involved with most people lately because for the last two years, I’ve not stayed in the same place. I keep saying this summer I’ll stay down in the Nati but it’s always been such an easy out…
I’ve got a lot to think about but thanks for taking the time to read. :)
I have come to the realization; I suck. Maybe I should be a bit more specific. I think the word for what I am is selfish. Also critical and cynical. Perhaps even (gasp) hypocritical. Bottom line? I’m a horrible bitch.
I have also come to the realization that I pretty much prefer distant, less involved relationships. Ouch.
I won’t go into a lot of detail as to how I came to this realization. I have been noticing how easy it is for me to make nice with people if I attempt it. Unfortunately, after spending an extended period of time with some loved ones this summer, I’ve begun to see what bad behavior I’ve been exhibiting when comfortable enough.
I do this thing, anytime I’m out in public with a close friend, where I constantly say stupid shit I’m thinking out loud. This isn’t abnormal for me, but it’s always about other people. I do this a lot, but most of the time, I’m kidding. I just enjoy laughing at other people. I defend this by maintaining I only make fun of people for things they have control over like clothing choices, behaviors, etc. I find it quite amusing but lately, people have been calling me overly critical. I feel like perhaps there is an amount of truth to this observation.
I was moving into a new apartment this weekend and basically snapped at every member of my family that had come down to help me. The entire time. I don’t know what’s wrong with me…I’d love to excuse it by claiming I was exhausted and frustrated but I’m sure they were too. And I was just being unreasonable.
While at school, I don’t have extremely personal relationships. I have a number of friends but few with whom I spend everyday. I think this lack of intensity has allowed me to forget how important such relationships are and how to treat people I care about.
I’m tempted to say I’ve actually set it up this way. I’ve purposely avoided getting too involved with most people lately because for the last two years, I’ve not stayed in the same place. I keep saying this summer I’ll stay down in the Nati but it’s always been such an easy out…
I’ve got a lot to think about but thanks for taking the time to read. :)
Monday, July 30, 2007
Let’s Talk About: Landfills.
Every once in a while, when I’m feeling like wasting some gas on a nice evening drive, there’s a certain route I always take. My friends first showed me this course and I thought it was some kind of swamp. It turns out it’s an area where the local dam (Dover Dam) lets water overflow. It’s pretty interesting nonetheless. There are some dead type trees and, not to mention, lots of stars. And it’s always fun to pretend like there’s a swampthing living out there somewhere.
Anyway, one time I noticed a blue flame at the top of the hill to one side of the “swamp.” I didn’t think anything of it aside from assuming it must be some sort of factory. I saw the same one on multiple occasions but never anywhere else.
Then, while driving my route during the day, I noticed lots of garbage trucks going in and out of the area. I never saw where exactly they were headed until one day, I caught two at the same time entering and exiting a lot. It’s only a short distance from the dam. (In the picture above, the flood area is past the dam and to the left. The truck’s destination is before the dam, on the left as well.)
I took a philosophy class this spring and the professor mentioned something about mass amounts of garbage being dumped in north eastern Ohio by Canton.
Tonight, for the first time, I saw a shit ton of these blue flames so I’m pretty sure I’ve decided it has to be a big ass landfill.
I Google’d it and this is what I got… http://boarad-appealing-landfill-expansion.blogspot.com/
For those of you too lazy to read, here’s a summary:
“An appeal of the June 27 decision to allow a 170-acre expansion by Countywide Recycling and Disposal Facility will be filed on behalf of the Stark-Tuscarawas-Wayne Joint Solid Waste Management District board of directors.
“The expansion will take total acreage at the facility, located in Stark County’s Pike Township and owned by Republic Services Inc., based in Florida, to 258 acres.
“The decision from ERAC rejected claims from groups, including the joint solid waste district, the village of Bolivar and Club 3000 – a grassroots environmental group – that the Ohio EPA was in error when it granted a permit for Countywide to expand in 2003.
“The groups claimed that engineering problems and the danger of underground contamination of the water aquifer should have led OEPA to deny the expansion permit.”
Oh great.
And then some dude “…noted that recent odors were caused by workers drilling into the reaction zone and settlement on top of the landfill.”
LOL
So basically that swamp is pwn’d.
The end.
Anyway, one time I noticed a blue flame at the top of the hill to one side of the “swamp.” I didn’t think anything of it aside from assuming it must be some sort of factory. I saw the same one on multiple occasions but never anywhere else.
Then, while driving my route during the day, I noticed lots of garbage trucks going in and out of the area. I never saw where exactly they were headed until one day, I caught two at the same time entering and exiting a lot. It’s only a short distance from the dam. (In the picture above, the flood area is past the dam and to the left. The truck’s destination is before the dam, on the left as well.)
I took a philosophy class this spring and the professor mentioned something about mass amounts of garbage being dumped in north eastern Ohio by Canton.
Tonight, for the first time, I saw a shit ton of these blue flames so I’m pretty sure I’ve decided it has to be a big ass landfill.
I Google’d it and this is what I got… http://boarad-appealing-landfill-expansion.blogspot.com/
For those of you too lazy to read, here’s a summary:
“An appeal of the June 27 decision to allow a 170-acre expansion by Countywide Recycling and Disposal Facility will be filed on behalf of the Stark-Tuscarawas-Wayne Joint Solid Waste Management District board of directors.
“The expansion will take total acreage at the facility, located in Stark County’s Pike Township and owned by Republic Services Inc., based in Florida, to 258 acres.
“The decision from ERAC rejected claims from groups, including the joint solid waste district, the village of Bolivar and Club 3000 – a grassroots environmental group – that the Ohio EPA was in error when it granted a permit for Countywide to expand in 2003.
“The groups claimed that engineering problems and the danger of underground contamination of the water aquifer should have led OEPA to deny the expansion permit.”
Oh great.
And then some dude “…noted that recent odors were caused by workers drilling into the reaction zone and settlement on top of the landfill.”
LOL
So basically that swamp is pwn’d.
The end.
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