Let's Talk About: Me.

As conceited and self-absorbed as that sounds, let me take this time to completely explain...

I have come to the realization; I suck. Maybe I should be a bit more specific. I think the word for what I am is selfish. Also critical and cynical. Perhaps even (gasp) hypocritical. Bottom line? I’m a horrible bitch.

I have also come to the realization that I pretty much prefer distant, less involved relationships. Ouch.

I won’t go into a lot of detail as to how I came to this realization. I have been noticing how easy it is for me to make nice with people if I attempt it. Unfortunately, after spending an extended period of time with some loved ones this summer, I’ve begun to see what bad behavior I’ve been exhibiting when comfortable enough.

I do this thing, anytime I’m out in public with a close friend, where I constantly say stupid shit I’m thinking out loud. This isn’t abnormal for me, but it’s always about other people. I do this a lot, but most of the time, I’m kidding. I just enjoy laughing at other people. I defend this by maintaining I only make fun of people for things they have control over like clothing choices, behaviors, etc. I find it quite amusing but lately, people have been calling me overly critical. I feel like perhaps there is an amount of truth to this observation.

I was moving into a new apartment this weekend and basically snapped at every member of my family that had come down to help me. The entire time. I don’t know what’s wrong with me…I’d love to excuse it by claiming I was exhausted and frustrated but I’m sure they were too. And I was just being unreasonable.

While at school, I don’t have extremely personal relationships. I have a number of friends but few with whom I spend everyday. I think this lack of intensity has allowed me to forget how important such relationships are and how to treat people I care about.

I’m tempted to say I’ve actually set it up this way. I’ve purposely avoided getting too involved with most people lately because for the last two years, I’ve not stayed in the same place. I keep saying this summer I’ll stay down in the Nati but it’s always been such an easy out…

I’ve got a lot to think about but thanks for taking the time to read. :)